Burning Vapor

Adoption: A Community Not Worth Joining

Ana, Kayla, Bri

I have a hobby. I like to play online video games. A game that I play has been around for a couple of years and interest in the game has waned. So the developers came up with a new strategy. They would make it free to play instead of $15 a month. If you wanted special stuff then you could pay the extra. They went this route because the community had dwindled. They wanted more members involved. Their strategy worked. In a matter of a few months they tripled their expectations.

But.

There has been a negative. People who are ‘testing’ the waters by playing for free have run into a community that wants things their way and there is little grace for deviations. You see, this game has it’s on lingo. It has its own rules. It has its own economy. And if you don’t use the right terminology, or you ask a question that has such an obvious answer, or if you don’t play the game exactly how the veterans play the game…well, we would just rather not have you. The community that longed for new members has quickly pushed back on these wannabes, these curious observers, these ignorant noobs. I am one of the new players. But I have been playing games long enough that I fit right in with the veterans. I couldn’t believe how insensitive these veterans were to these new players when the new players were exactly what the veterans wanted.

Then.

It hit me…hard. I am a veteran in a different game. I am a veteran in adoption. While much more serious than any video game I realized that I have done some things that would not attract someone interested in adoption. You know how people say really stupid things like, “so which kids are yours”, or “so did you adopt them or are you a church group”, or “how do your real kids feel about adoption”…turns out, those things are not so stupid at all. Turns out some people out there see my family and are genuinely interested. In the past I have tried to be ‘hospitable’, but on the inside I have a whole arsenal of smart comments that I would love to fire right back.

So.

Instead of being so sensitive, I need to show grace. These are perfect opportunities to graciously help people understand who we are and why we do what we do. I need to lay down my self-righteousness and embrace people and their questions. So what if they don’t know exactly what to call us or even know how to ask the “right” questions. We are obviously not the American status quo and we need to celebrate that, even when people ask questions that I may be ‘tired of answering’. You know what, I shouldn’t have adopted. People will be asking these questions as long as my family looks different from everyone else. It’s an opportunity for the Gospel that I have spat upon.

Adoption.

We can make it a community not worth joining by being combative and insensitive. We can push people away from laying their lives down for the sake of the Gospel in transforming the lives of children.

Or.

We can love like Jesus, speak like Jesus, and point potential adoptive parents towards this great Gospel.

I repent.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 22nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Adoption, Family, Gospel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.