I was told last night to not purchase any gifts for Christmas if they were given in love.  I was told that love is not needed and if gifts are a reflection of love that I could keep them.  I was also told that all of ‘my’ family could also save their gifts if they are given in love.  There will no longer be any hugs or kisses because this family sucks.  Matter of fact, all families suck and life would be much better if it could be lived in solidarity.  Matter of fact, being homeless would be the best case scenario.  This conversation was held on the front porch.  I calmly listened to the rant and waited for a pause in breath to come.  It did.  I smiled and opened my hand to the road that led away from our home to the city.

Dad: There ya go.
Son: What?
Dad: Freedom.  Solidarity.  Independence.  No authority. <I drew in a deep breath>  Can you smell it?  It’s out there for the taking.  <I looked back at him> You just have to go out there and take it.
Son: What do you mean?
Dad: The road son.  It’s right there waiting for you.  All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other and start your new life of independence on the road.  Man, what an adventure it’s going to be!
Son: What are you talking about?  I can’t live on the road??
Dad: <still smiling>  Sure you can.  I’m not going to chase you down.  You run much faster than I do.  The entire homeless population of Macon is ready to embrace you in their arms.  Think of it.  Sleeping in the woods, alleys or abandoned buildings, no more nasty school, no more calls to dinner time, no more cleaning up your comfortable room or straightening up your clean bathroom, no more having to put your bike away or having to haul that baseball glove around.  Just you, whatever you can find in the garbage cans, and the freedom of the open road.
Son:  Are you crazy?  I can’t choose to leave this family!
Dad: Oh!  Why is that?
Son: Because I’m just a boy.  And it’s cold and wet outside.  I don’t really have a choice.
Dad: Oh son, we all have choices.  You can choose to go back inside and stop acting like a baby or you can fulfill your dream of being homeless.  Your choice…
Son: <Angry and disgruntled>  I’m going to do my homework.
Dad: Well…if that’s your choice.  Love ya bud.
<he mumbled something incoherently – probably a ‘thanks for talking Dad, you’re the best’ type of a comment

We then had another 1 hour conversation in his bedroom about all the ways this family sucks.  It came out that he is just waiting for us to give him up because families do it all the time.  I told him that he needed to be angry at God because it was God who put him into a family that never quits.  By the end, he was laughing in the living room and watching Christmas cartoons with the family.  It’s day by day, choosing to love someone who desperately wants to believe in love, but believes it is all a lie.

Ana, Kayla, Bri

I have a hobby. I like to play online video games. A game that I play has been around for a couple of years and interest in the game has waned. So the developers came up with a new strategy. They would make it free to play instead of $15 a month. If you wanted special stuff then you could pay the extra. They went this route because the community had dwindled. They wanted more members involved. Their strategy worked. In a matter of a few months they tripled their expectations.

But.

There has been a negative. People who are ‘testing’ the waters by playing for free have run into a community that wants things their way and there is little grace for deviations. You see, this game has it’s on lingo. It has its own rules. It has its own economy. And if you don’t use the right terminology, or you ask a question that has such an obvious answer, or if you don’t play the game exactly how the veterans play the game…well, we would just rather not have you. The community that longed for new members has quickly pushed back on these wannabes, these curious observers, these ignorant noobs. I am one of the new players. But I have been playing games long enough that I fit right in with the veterans. I couldn’t believe how insensitive these veterans were to these new players when the new players were exactly what the veterans wanted.

Then.

It hit me…hard. I am a veteran in a different game. I am a veteran in adoption. While much more serious than any video game I realized that I have done some things that would not attract someone interested in adoption. You know how people say really stupid things like, “so which kids are yours”, or “so did you adopt them or are you a church group”, or “how do your real kids feel about adoption”…turns out, those things are not so stupid at all. Turns out some people out there see my family and are genuinely interested. In the past I have tried to be ‘hospitable’, but on the inside I have a whole arsenal of smart comments that I would love to fire right back.

So.

Instead of being so sensitive, I need to show grace. These are perfect opportunities to graciously help people understand who we are and why we do what we do. I need to lay down my self-righteousness and embrace people and their questions. So what if they don’t know exactly what to call us or even know how to ask the “right” questions. We are obviously not the American status quo and we need to celebrate that, even when people ask questions that I may be ‘tired of answering’. You know what, I shouldn’t have adopted. People will be asking these questions as long as my family looks different from everyone else. It’s an opportunity for the Gospel that I have spat upon.

Adoption.

We can make it a community not worth joining by being combative and insensitive. We can push people away from laying their lives down for the sake of the Gospel in transforming the lives of children.

Or.

We can love like Jesus, speak like Jesus, and point potential adoptive parents towards this great Gospel.

I repent.